#49 late

"I was on my way home. Late again. The sun had already set, the purple horizon coloured the city. It was so beautiful I nearly forgot that I was in a moving sardine can. In a train through the skyscrapers and tunnels from station to another, crowd went in and out. I could only just watch and give in myself, let myself blend into the uneasiness. I was so tired. “I’m sorry love,” that was only I could say, no, text her as I waiting for my time to get off. Oh, how I wished I could just poof right next to her but I knew I could not hope solely on imaginations. Standing and balancing my body really was draining my energy but thinking of my mistakes I had done was even worse. “It’s okay,” no it wasn’t. I know it was just a self-denial that she made. I was thinking on fixing this matter but there was no way I could fix it but to apologize as much as I could. Only time would tell. But time was hell. I was supposedly to feel the decreasing of ETA due to increasing velocity but no, I felt slower. I. Felt. Guilty. The more the time I took, the worse I felt. And the worst it became as the coaches suddenly stopped. I wasn’t panic. I was furious! But there was nothing much I could do but bear the pain and pressure of waiting. It was like a ticking bomb except it wasn’t counting down but counting up and the more I take time to diffuse, the greater the explosion. Well, something did explode. My sanity. But I shifted back to reality really quick when the coaches started to move again. A little relief though I knew I was too late now. Almost an hour later I was home. “I’m so sorry love I’m late. So sorry for not replying to your texts,” I pleaded. “It’s okay,” she said. I didn’t know whether she was really cool or cold about it but eventually everything was fine.  Like always, I do mistakes all the time and she’ll forgive me.

The next day, I went out again. She knew that the probability of me keep repeating the same mistake was high but she was alright. She let me. I wasn’t going to take her for granted and never was. I didn’t do the same mistakes again. She deserved that. And I only deserve her when she have the best love I could provide."